nur's life

2011-07-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

Iklim - Bukan Aku Tak Cinta

2011-07-01T10:25:00.002-07:00

TRANSLATION

the moment we split
you held my hand tightly
as if unwilling to let me leave you
the jetty witnessed silently
as i kissed your eyebrows
slowly you let go of my grip
i saw you cried
i had always remembered your waving hand
that's the last time i saw you

you have often send me letter
but i had never replied
then i send you an invitation
so that you would stop hoping
it's not that i don't sympathise
nor that i don't love you
but because our parents doesn't bless our love

i had always remembered your waving hand

that's the last time i saw you

you have often send me letter

but i had never replied

then i send you an invitation

so that you would stop hoping

it's not that i don't sympathise

nor that i don't love you

but because our parents doesn't bless our love

2011-06-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

why am i crying?
why is it that it hurts alot?
why is it getting to me?
why must you make me hate you?
why are you doing this to me?

its my fault that you turn out this way?
its my fault, i should have tried hiding my feelings better

damn
damn
damn

2011-04-17T04:00:00.000-07:00

I JUST CANT HELP FEELING BETRAYED.
EVERYTIME YOU BITCH JUST HAVE TO DO WITH SOMETHING IN MY LIFE, I JUST CANT HELP FEELING BETRAYED AND DAMN I HATE YOU.
ITS LIKE MIND FUCK.
DAMN!

2011-04-10T09:10:00.000-07:00

this song reminds me of us all. you had always make sure that i know that i am never alone in facing whatever the world had thrown at me. i had always try my best to make sure you knew that you are also never alone. whatever it is please know that i am always here when you need me. when things get hard for you and it seems impossible to get through it, just take a look behind and you will find me that is willing to embrace and support you and doing my best to provide you with what you need.
lets all get through the hard and the best times together . lets support each other. for the upcoming, lets embrace and support each other cause there will be pain that will be inflicted to each one of us even though the amount of pain is to a different degree.
aite babes? love yall supper dupper alots

2011-02-07T05:58:00.000-08:00

Bruised and bloodied but still standing for Fajr prayer at Tahrir Square. Remember them in your dua’s!

SUBAHANNALLAH.... SERIOUSLY ASHAMED AND TO KNOW WE EVEN IGNORE OUR PRAYERS DURING PEACE HERE......

Big Bang - Always beatbox (CD breaks in the middle of the performance)

2011-02-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

this is what i really call talent. hohoho nothing stops them giving all they've got

to their fans. im a proud VIP hohoho

they never dissapoint me hehehehe

2011-01-27T20:29:00.000-08:00

hahahaha didnt realise why i have been crying over little things and sulking and as angry as the active volcano. its basically pms...... damn period

2011-01-26T10:09:00.000-08:00

Which dress will look good on me for my wedding? It will either be next year or in three years. Hehehe

2011-01-24T08:50:00.000-08:00

Once wanted,
now disregarded.
Once loved,
now hated.
Once important,
now unimportant.
Once everything,
now nothing.

I won't say that you've changed cause you didn't.
I rather say that for this moment you're just too busy to give me any thought.
It's ok I understand.
I'm lying if I said I cried, I was just dissapointed.
It's ok I understand.
You knew I was sulking and I was.
You didn't know that I would shed a tear.
It's ok I understand.
I just forgot that you're unlike me.
I always had you on my mind cause I had nobody else.
You have many others to think about.
It's ok I understand.
I have to change.
I can't rely on you too much.
You're needed by others too.
Unlike me.
It's ok I understand.

Surrounded by friends yet lonely.
Surrounded by family yet unloved.

2010-12-30T12:53:00.000-08:00

Life has been very weird lately. When life turns around, it becomes weird. Hahaha. My birthday coming also the 'o' level results also my darling's album. The unspeakable things. Soon i will be starting poly, getting a job, finding true love, getting married, having my own babies. Then raising my babies, watching them go to school and becoming successful, them getting married, having my grandbabies. If I die, I hope I die before getting married so that less people will get hurt but I don't think anybody will miss me but whatever. Am happy with my life. I love you my darlingzzzzz.

Nurul Amani

Mursalina Zahara

Jagatheswari

Nurul Lina

Nur Amirah

Mario - How Do I Breathe

2010-12-15T10:07:00.000-08:00

Frankie J - Don't Wanna Try

2010-12-15T10:05:00.001-08:00

Frankie J - More Than Words

2010-12-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

2010-12-10T13:10:00.000-08:00

amani the amount of loneliness is something that i had never thought i would go through. i miss you a lot too. at this point i wish that theres a guy in my life that i can actually be with for me not to be this lonely. i may sound like im using him but thats not it cause my friends comes first before my guy.
lately i suddenly miss khalis and wished he was someone that i used to briefly know. why did he changed so much? the last time we sat together and talked and joked around, do you remember? i had an insight of your life a little. we shared a little with each other. amirah and sabila were there too. why did you change? it dissapoint us all.come back yo.
hey siva to not say that i miss how close we were, im lying. to me our friendship is over. thats how i view us. our friendship ends as fast how it started. i had never regret confessing to you about how i feel. you gave me strength to do that but at the same time you managed to crush my trust in a blink of an eye. everything went downhill so fast that we didnt save it. at that time,it may seem irrelevent to you but to me it was too tiring to save it. you contributed to the fact that now i dont think friendships are as important as i used to. now i can actually break friendships as easy as it was made. only certain friendships that are important to me. just because i say all this doesnt mean what i wrote in the letter was fake. if you need a shoulder to lean on or cry on, i could just lend you. dont worry, no strings attached.
sometimes i hoped for things that are just impossible. too impossible to happen or to be done. i used to belief that if you want something so badly and you try your best to get it and you belief that you will get it, you will actually get it in the end. somebody help me revive this belief please. i really want to hold to something. help me, im drowning in this ocean of nothingness.

Stay

Can you feel me now
Take a deep breath and let me explain
All the pain that's been wreckin my brain
Gettin so close to goin' insane
And see you standing there
And the feelin' never gonna be the same
seems like we missed the whole damn train
Blame is all we have for us

And I can let in get in the way
Even if the love is the costly price to pay
Lookin' back life love was the game or cliche
Gotta move away sacrifice my heart and let you breath again baby girl

Just about everything was too late
She was sometimes silent
A lonely sign
Now that I'm alone

That you stayed by my side
Was something that I took for granted... truly
A sent Mail
User unknown

In the the corner of the empty closet
A fallen Promise Ring
Her Birthday

Before the door closes　Baby please don't go away
Condemning the things I couldn't say　Want you to stay
After so long, even lamenting these things　I know it's late
There is no one who can take her place
I want you to stay　want you to stay

Her last words were
Not "goodbye" but "thank you"
The meaning of the end
Getting over me

The things she wanted
Proof that I couldn't give them to her
The mailbox Key
End of the story

In this one person room, soon
Night will come
Her smiling face in the photo
Becomes unable to be seen

There's no way I can forget you　Baby please don't fade away
Around the clock they won't disappear　Want you to stay
This kind of sadness　I know it's late
The existence of the girl I should have protected
I want you to stay　want you to stay

Fool

Yeah (love is breakin’) I know girl (you know my situation)
Right time but I can’t (say goodbye)
Girl (our separate ways)
Saying that I love you don’t cha?

Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I don’t have the c-c-c-confidence, don’t fool my t-t-t-two eyes
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I’m s-s-s-still waiting for you like a f-f-f-fool

The withered rose bouquet, your scent still
Even though I want to erase it, it can’t be erased
Are you leaving only holding vague memories
I loved everything about you
Why are we trying to go down different roads
You should have been truthful, you should have embraced me
I don’t know anything but you, you should have held me, you fool…

I still don’t understand love
Why do you keep getting farther away from me
Like a fool in front of your door
Hurt and turned away, only my sad image
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe

I love you, I don’t love you
You’re coming back, you’re not coming, I miss you…

Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I don’t have the c-c-c-confidence, don’t fool my t-t-t-two eyes
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I’m s-s-s-still waiting for you like a f-f-f-fool

I’ve cried all night, I’ve called out to an unresponsive you
I’ve hid avoiding the world, the moment you left I’ve been dying
Still not a single thing has changed
The constantly deepening disease, only I’ve been hurting
(This star) is (love) is tiring, you fool

I still don’t understand love
Why do you keep getting farther away from me
Like a fool in front of your door
Hurt and turned away, only my sad image
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe

Although I’m left alone inside me your memories hold onto me
Don’t separate from the last leaf, grab my hand

Take all of the letters and pictures you gave to me
Even if they’re thrown away they’re never erased from inside me
Because of my hopeful heart I stay up all night again
Will I not be able to let go of this little hope

Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe

Oh oh oh oh oh are you just getting farther away
Oh oh oh oh oh only my sad, turned away image

But I Love U

Why did you do that? Why did you do that? Love? Don’t make me laugh

Yeah with bitter beer and I cigarettes that I quit because of you
Because of you I smoke them again goes out to you
To you who left without one word
Can you hear this song right now

This lonely morning I meet without you
After you left, the compass of the map in my heart
Has lost its way, my life is all ruined
I was unprepared, you ran far away from me
My Venus, I’ve prayed to God to try to hate you
Because it was so unfair, because my life felt so miserable
My tone, actions, even my steps have gone away
My habits that have copied yours are bothering me
You can’t be forgotten, how can I forget you
You’re on the first page of all of my memories
Birthdays, the beach, over the cliff of deep love
You’re the first girl who’s given me the pain of a first broken heart
Even if in my craziness I feel sad I’ll try to smile
I don’t want your empty feelings, we just too late
Uh if it’s your’s, if you’re going to do whatever you want
This is the way you love? If I hadn’t started the beginning yeah

The time I had with you was so hard
Everyday I waited for you by my phone
And every time you have no blame
You told me you were sorry and avoided me then left

But I love you girl, I wish you would stay here
But I love you girl, I wish you would hold onto me
But I love you girl, even if I don’t say it
Please don’t lose my eager heart ma girl

In my eyes you are just beautiful
My friend told me not to fall too deeply
First I get mad that girl is different
She is nicer and more pure than anybody
Uh lo-… no I really like you
Let’s not change I’ll make you happy, you
Stay by my side time flows by when 1, 2 years goes by
More better than this year
Your voice seems so tired
You need a place to lean, please lean on me
Don’t you see me? Why do you fall alone?
Lower my head, my heart tears and breaks

It was great when we first met
We were happy just seeing each other
Actually I’m still like that, but why aren’t you?
Lately when I see you I don’t get the same feelings yeah

The memories with you were so hard
Of course it may be my fault, I’ll probably comfort myself like this
When time goes by this memory will be like smoke too
Fly far away, a new love may find me too

But I love you girl, I want to make you smile
But I love you girl, I want to wipe away your tears
But I love you girl, nothing anymore
I can’t turn back your changed heart I know girl

I call wanting to see your face one last time
But till the end there’s no answer from you
Oh why are you avoiding me? Please tell me
Girl I’m still standing still

But I love you girl, I wish you would stay here
But I love you girl, I wish you would hold onto me
But I love you girl, even if I don’t say it
Please don’t lose my eager heart
But I love you girl, I want to make you smile
But I love you girl, I wan to wipe away your tears
But I love you girl, nothing anymore
I can’t turn back your changed heart I know girl

I Don't Understand

All day why does only your face
Come up, still I can’t forget you
Again only tears, I’m looking for you through the scarred memories
I don’t know, tell me
Why you left me, at least like this
I wanted to grab onto you, please hold me, please return to me

I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all

I remember your last smile
If time could be stopped
I would run and hold you and could do anything for you
I miss you a lot today too
I want to hold you just one more time
Today and tomorrow too I’m fading away with only tears baby

Stop this now, I’ve hurt as much as I can hurt and its hard
I’m really sorry, I’ve taken as much I can take and I’m wavering
Although inside I’ve called you a hundred, a thousand times
You’ve gone too far away to turn around
It was raining so I just quietly walked down that road
Just in case I would meet you. You said waiting was time
No matter what I do it hurts so I want to go back into your arms
It can’t be anyone but you, too late

I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all
I wanted to see you, I wanted to cry today too
After I begged for you to come back I’m so tired

I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all

Foolish love

(Yea, yea) I think (of you) again like a bad habit
I get tired of this hard life so I countlessly
laugh when I think of you, cry when i miss you
I got tired (of it) and fell asleep.

Your love makes you feel difficult, so you turn around like a rough wind
my lack of understanding, uncertain future, I couldn’t take it anymore

I wanted to wipe the tears around (your) wetted eyes
but the image reflected in your eyes.
Isn’t me, it’s someone else baby,

Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything;
why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.

(uh) Love came and left again like a migratory bird.
“My heart hurts more,” I tell you endlessly but you were stubborn everyday.
(Just like) Smoking a hit, (you can) forget about (us) already as if it’s easy.
“Meet another woman and live well,” huh? (ok)

Friend, what did i tell you? i’m not sure about her.
(Once a glass cup is broken, it’s hard to put it back together.)
Y, a game with an expected ending, nothin’ never, ever change!
I felt more anxious while I was watching from the sidelines.

Look, she will fall asleep while nestling in another guy’s arms.
She will come looking for you a year or 2 later, (let him go girl)

Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything; why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.

I hoped that you would hold me a bit more, but it’s useless now.
My stupid shadow is now left alone and wandering around on this dimmed street.
I think I am still waiting for you.

I feel pity, you aren’t that bad.
I feel pity, why do you end up with those kind of girls?
I feel pity, what she gave you is a nightmare.
I feel pity, for you, not your girl.

Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything; why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.

Foolish Love...

2010-12-06T05:32:00.000-08:00

Im exhausted. Exhausted of life. Taking a day one at a time, something i make myself do. Its better but it makes me feel numb. Not much feelings going on everyday and i find it too weird and depressing. Is this a right thing to do? I mean this was what made me able to go through the 11 days in Cambodia. Would it help in ANCO? Why am I going anyway? Can someone help me understand? I really do not know who can I talk to right now. Everything is not right.

[ENG + ROM SUB] 사랑 빛 (Love Light) - CNBLUE

2010-10-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

[MV] Don't Love/사랑하지마요 - F.T. Island [English Sub. & Romanization]

2010-10-15T10:11:00.000-07:00

2010-10-14T07:57:00.000-07:00

sayang.....

2010-10-02T02:17:00.000-07:00

sayang,
thanks for being there when i felt that i couldnt trust anybody
thanks for trusting me
thanks for understanding me
thanks for trying your best to understand me when its too hard to
thanks for the support
thanks for the assurance
thanks for knowing me very well
thanks for being able to hold in my secrets
thanks for being able to stand me
thanks for never giving up on me
thanks for trying your best to be fair to me

THANK YOU NURUL AMANI C- :

MURSALINA ZAHARA,
sayang aku yang lagi satu nie....
i love you too
'

2010-09-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

The once bright sun
now lost in the clouds.
Everything used to be clear
now i lost you.

A different love could change all
i was so unprepared for it.
Did HE made you change?
Am i still needed?

Losing is part of life
gaining is too.
You decide
what to lose and gain.

2010-08-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

The same people, now felt different. You were my confidante but now i just felt that you don't understand me anymore.With you there will always be laughter but the laughter now felt bitter to me. i am punished for loving someone. i always am. cant anyone just understand? no matter who i love, i am always punished. use me, play me, laugh at me, what else can you ask from a friend right? if the ones you love don't understand you, what more can you expect from a stranger. What used to be a medicine, now is becoming a poison. the same thing that once healed you, now kills.Standing in the middle of a crowd, i still feel lonely. Hanging around with friends, i still feel unloved. the weather displays my feelings. Many times sitting with you i felt like bursting into tears but i held back. what difference does it makes even if you know? you would either pat me and said that its going to be okay or ignore me. i really don't feel like being with you. just feel like surrounding myself with my bears that hug me to sleep comforting my without words especially when waterfall happens. painful to love someone, no matter who.

2010-06-20T00:08:00.000-07:00

life is like living on the ocean, you may never know what comes next.

you may predict what can happen but you can never really know what would come.

life is a challenge itself so let us all make it easier for us all.

a smile can make a difference. it jus take a smile :)

smile like a baby alright people

2010-06-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

one day, someone that is my fate will......

hold me tight, not letting me go
kiss my forehead
whisper in my ears " I LOVE YOU"
hold my hands through everything
watch the sunset and the sunrise with me safely in his arms
make me feel special
greet me with a deep hug and kiss
support me
guide me to the right path
lead me
take care of me when i'm sick
trust me
love me all your heart

In return I would....

take care of all your needs
always be there by your side
love you all my heart
give you all my trust
provide the spice to flavor your life
take care of your family
bring you to a world you had never know

amani and surekka told me that i am traditional let me tell you the story...

we were talking how nice to be proposed in the perfect background and he kneels down and propose to us and what not.
then i just have to say it.(check what i said)
he would ask his family to come to my house and ask if i am available. then ask if i would like to be his wife, then get engaged or straight away get married. this was the way the malays ask the girl for hand in marriage.
i really cannot wait to get married but i am scared that i cannot be the perfect wife for my husband and the thing i scared the most is getting divorce.
it is my dream to marry young and have lots of children my own and adopted. i really want to be the best wife he could get and the best mom a child could get. but on the other hand, what would happen to my other dream which is my dream job? i know that i can work and have a family at the same time but i want to be a house-mommy and a house-wife, hmm let everything be revealed when it happens. :-))
anybody ready for me? are you ready for my love? are you ready to devote to me and guide me? i hope i meet you my soulmate/fate soon.

2010-06-13T00:12:00.001-07:00

reminds me of the past

for you

2010-05-27T20:17:00.001-07:00

this reminds me of .......

2010-04-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

Your friend is your needs answered.
Kahlil Gibran

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.'
Kahlil Gibran

A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
Kahlil Gibran

But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Kahlil Gibran

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.
Kahlil Gibran

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
Kahlil Gibran

2010-03-09T05:39:00.000-08:00

FALL
FALL
FALL
FALL
FALL
FALL
FALL

THATS MY HABIT. IM ALWAYS FALLING.
IT HURTS TO FALL ON THE SAME PLACE TWICE.
WHAT MORE IF ITS MORE THAN THAT?
THERE ARE ALWAYS ACCIDENTS THAT HAPPEN TO ME.
WHY?
AM I THAT CLUMSY?
COINCIDENCE?
FATE?

2010-03-07T01:36:00.000-08:00

Never fall for a person twice cause that is how much you will get hurt. Heed my advice okay?
Sweet talk may be your best way out from the shit you got yourself into but in the end we are the one get hurt not you. 1 in every 4 unlucky girls will agree to this. The worst way to move on is liking another person cause you tend to get hurt again even though your wound is healing. Heed my advice my dear friends. Even though it is your only way, try other method okay dears? i love you all lots.

2010-02-27T06:24:00.000-08:00

An apple a day,
keeps the doctor away.

An arm's length,
keeps the heartbreak away.

Im jus soooo prouddd.
BABY ELEPHANT IS MOVING ON!!!!!
JUS ANTH HALF WAY AND URE FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!

frens by ure side n family(mayb) ard, it will certainly help u.

live life like normal, always pretend so dat dey wont noe how ure reli feeling to make everytin easier 4 ureself n not create more trouble. always tink b4 u do smth. tink n retink if its e best to do. expressing ure true feeling may kill u as it usually brings more trouble.

even how much u feel lyke killing dem, its best not to show. learn it from experience.
an eg. will b ure parents. u cant say wat u reli feel rite?

a key to moving on for those dat reli wants to move on: always avoid the feeling, stop observing, when you caught ureself tinking bout 'em, stop ureself, distract ureself wen you feel anything that was caused by him lyke hurt ,angry or falling for 'em. lastly, i don find dis useful but to some it does, diverse to anth person.

in no time soon u can be free from 'em but u nid to let go. dats e most important.

wen ure taking ure national exams, falling for somebody is the worst thing that can happen to you. you;re just bound to get hurt. I swear!

woohoo

2010-02-20T01:26:00.000-08:00

ehk peeps!! wooh today best!
amani jaga me n salina went wif adi n asroy for cip. its e oth way ard but hu cares
we went to geylang. yes i noe Y GEYLANG?!!!! bcause its a saturday n ppl go der to buy groceries.
salina syg sori k? but u had fun kan? dier yg nk ikot. aku yg ajak bkn kau so org tkleh kate. btol tk?

anw someone got alot of admirers haha. rite jaga? haha. can attract like magnet..... hahahaha how cm dis year u got alot of admirers uh? so popular. sori bout e water tingy but it gave me satisfaction. hahaha sori

amani! dah ok akhir nyer. kite ngan salina skali smuer dah ok. ngah happy period. haha

love u all lots

anw tysm 4 being here 4 me my dears.
ailapchulykechulapmeeeeee....

2010-02-16T02:06:00.000-08:00

im bad at making frenship,
worse in breaking one.

each fs means alot to me in deir very own special way.

ah i don wan to tok anymore uh
bb

NCO Course P.O.C.

2010-01-30T09:14:00.000-08:00

2010-01-28T06:57:00.000-08:00

my partner for dining ettiqute is.... jeng jeng jeng...

AZREE FROM 4/9!!!!!!! WOOOH!!!!

very gentleman u noe!!! let me list down what the true gentleman did

e chicken was pathetic i cant cut through, so he cut a peice from his chicken and gave it to me!!!
he open up the bottle of chili sauce for me!!!
he actually waited for me to finish my main course and started my dessert b4 he even starts eating his dessert

hmmm anytn else not, aluh the rest u all no nid to noe! hahaha. at the table was me n azree, mdm rozilla n azhar, sheng ming n e 4/1 guy(forgot his name sori). all of us only started toking wen mm rozilla started toking. hahaha. one of the topics was about dunman sec, azhar's dad, buffet, food and the mannerism of ppl. cool rite? so professional. haha

azree ty for being e best partner. haha

F.U.C.K.

2010-01-24T06:46:00.000-08:00

smtimes i feel that ppl r always using me. is dat true ppl? use me as ure entertainment? use me to fulfill ure needs? fulfill ure social, emotional etc etc needs. like certain ppl, its so obvious smtimes dat they r making use of me. use me 4 deir sweet revenge, at last i hav e to suffer 4 dem n bcause of dem. wtf?

u ppl jus have not seen e worst side of me, not even my dear frens. wat u hear i did was only part of it, i can b evil if i wan to. i chose not to but ppl r jus gg round taking advantage of me. at hm, at skool even outside, it keeps hapening to me.

im jus so angry n f'd up today. so stuck up. ppl keep ignoring me, ppl keep throwing anger at me, ppl keep scolding me, keep bossing me ard, do watever dey like to me. all dis is a norm but today im jus so angry. tried my best to do math n ss but it jus cant b done wen ure dis angry.

i was taught e hard way not to hope. but smtimes its jus impossible not to do that. i hoped n tings go down hill.

wat i did on e evening of dat day was smth thats engraved to my memory. i had no regrets in doing that but is it really affecting us? idk.

i realise i do make ppl angry but everyone does. wen ppl make me angry, its always ok but wen i get dem angry, its doom for me. y? am i not a human too? cant i make mistakes?

i tot i culd leave u n all dis feelings but im always wrong? wth is wrong wif me? am i insane? smtimes i jus wish that my life culd end. nobody wuld miss me dats for sure, they will only feel a lost as e person that dey culd do all these to is no longer here n in no time dey will move on. trying to destroy my life so dat i culd end my life easier was and is still my goal. dat has been my goal since e day i knew about dis cruel world

pretending being happy is really making me very tired. wth is wrong wif me? sacrificing 4 e ppl i love? pretending to b happy 4 dem wen deep inside im jus bleeding. nobody culd ever realise im pretending cause im very gud at it alredi. saying e stuff dat i wanted to belief in out loud. it doesnt work. how? i do not wan to do dis anymore.

y do i depend on u all? y do i nid u all? y do u all keep playing in my mind? tings lyke: how r u doing, hav u eaten, r u ok, wat hapen today, r u sick, y did she do dat to u, y did he do dat to u, wat else di he/ she do to u, do u wanna tok bout it. wen i say im always here for u, u can tok to me, let me hug u, cry on my shoulder etc etc i actly mean it.i do feel ure pain. i do not wan to c uall get hurt.

amani if 'aishah' do dat to u, 'shes' done for.

salina lets do dis 2geder k?

lina lets jus chill n c wat hapen, menyampah aku biler dier majok

jaga go for it

surekka cm to me my darlin we settle it 2geder, don suffer alone

siva smting is not rite

CCA OPEN HOUSE

2010-01-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

wooohoo!!! bestest cca open house in history. nvr had 1 lyke it b4. smth new n unique dis yerar. nvr had it lyke dis.

nari 3 in 1!!! guys u noe wat im toking bout. hahaah enjoyz e momen lyke heaven!!!! satu satu aku aku enjoy spending time with. lina amani salina u noe wat im toking bout haha. hmmm dah uh don wan say anytin more. malu ah.

aft ate lunch wif jumm amani lina farah i go lina house n watch scary movie 4. not even half way... KEPAP! i fell asleep!!! lyke wth kan? hu cares im sooo tired. den biler citer hindustan jer tros bangon. hahaha. e story can relate to my situation kan kan kan lina? hahaha

2009-12-30T20:27:00.001-08:00

hello ppl!!! how r u? ehk don forget k my bade cmg!! hahaha. its on 12 jan if ure wondering mmmm.
i wan to upload pics but too slow n i hav no time! hhmmmm shud i hav fb account? ehk i wan go ngee ann poly open house!!!hu want to follow? hahaa
btw

HAPPY NEW YEAR PPL!!!!
MAY THIS YEAR B BETER THAN E LAST!

K GTG. GG MALAYSIA AGAIN. BORING SEYH

2009-12-13T20:45:00.000-08:00

the more i tink, the more i feel scared dat i will lose u.
u were rite bout it. even how much i tried to hide it, sm ppl can read thru me.
those ppl pls keep it a secret k? don tell any1! shhhh. i shy!

btw yest i went to e children foam party at IMM den got dis performance lah. the daddys were on stage n had to dance indian song, chinese song n dandut! funny sia. hahaha. my life always get bad wen a little light jus shine thru. y? hu cares. im still alive.

amani!!! aku tkleh angkat ah. brape lamer lagik aku kene tungu nie!!! haha luv u all lots. miss all of u soooo much!!!! lina!!!! surekka!!!! jaga!!!!!! i miss u all to e core!!!!

2009-12-10T05:15:00.000-08:00

nice not? haha e rest no time

2009-12-08T04:16:00.000-08:00

damn lah all dis ppl!
dey not hapy wif sm1 else so?
don i hav enuf tings n problems of my own alredi?
mus dey jus add to my stress?
don dey tink b4 dey do smth?
ehk listen up!
THINK TO LEAD, LEAD TO SERVE!!
bodoh! bdh sgt ke per?
cant i atleast be hapy 4 even 1 whole week?
dont i deserve dem?
need i always suffer?
damn all u ppl!
shud i try smth new to be rebellious?
mayb its a gud idea
lets c wtf im gonna do.
u can nvr guess

check dis out

2009-12-08T03:44:00.000-08:00

my heart aches for you
my heart searches for you
my heart beats for you
my heart yearns for you
my heart break for you
my heart waits for you

my body yearns for your touch
my body yearns for your warmness
my body yearns for your hug
my body yearns for your gentleness

my conscience wants to let you go
my conscience wants you to go
my conscience wants me to stop loving you

my eyes always search for you
my eyes always yearns for you

my soul yearns for you

so baby please come to me
no matter what i will be right here waiting

2009-12-02T09:03:00.000-08:00

why mus i always love smone so much dat it jus hurts? wat do i reli wan? do i wan u to noe? or i jus wan to keep it a secret? feelings inside r jus too mixed up dat i jus smtimes cant cope. smtimes only 2 ppl can understand dis. y mus e person i luv isnt hu i shud b lovin? y is evertin jus rong? till wen mus i sacrifice 4 happiness of oths?jus hug me pls. mayb silence is beter den saying anytin. pls jus smone hug me n assure me dat everytins gonna b ok even if u r unsure. im loosing everytin so pls don makeme loose u. hug me wif ure warmth n love dat u hav. smtimes i jus get ashamed 4 letting u hear me cry over n over again. pls don leave me now. if u wanna leave pls aft evrytin gets beter.
i reli nid u rite now to jus b by my side. im not asking u to share my burden or help me do smth bout all dis. im jus asking u to be by my side n b there 4 me. wen i say i hate you, i didnt meant it. it was jus out of frustration. even if i say it in a language u don understand

2009-12-02T08:40:00.000-08:00

my life suddenly getting so bad. idk y. so dissapoimted in ssooo many people lately. felt soo betrayed? mayb e word not strong enuf. felt lyke ppl jus cant b trusted. felt like im jus there for ppl to take advantage of. im not really needed. nobody needs me. dats wat i had known all e while but... dis is wat u get aishah for trusting ppl n believe dat smone actlly needs u. one by one ppl start making me fel so dissapointed so unwanted. mayb my role in dis world is to make oth ppl happy n suffer myself to death. i jus have to accept e fact dat im jus im useless rubbish dat hav to b discard asap. y do i keep sacrificing myself 4 oth ppl's happiness? im like a punching bag. like a pen. i don worth much. im worth 20 cents. wen ppl needs me dey will take me but wen dey get a beter 1 or don nid me anymore, dey jus push me away. mayb im not even like a pen. im worth nth at all. don worry ppl. ill leave u all also. i wont b in contact wif u anymore. i wont burden u wif my probs again. b happy without me k ppl? if anybody else do not wan me pls tell me so i would not approach u. ppl if u tink wat u do is e best 4 u den ill support u even if i hate it.

My tagboard is waaaay below if u nvr notice

2009-08-23T05:52:00.000-07:00

u thought u noe me but u reli do not now how im feeling deep down inside. i can say how i feel bout everytin but some tings r jus not meant 4 u to noe cause i shy. haha.those of u hu noes den i hope u keep it a secret k? but i promised myself wen u ask, then i confess. hahaha. like lina say if dat hapen, singapore will surely snow. so if it starts snowing in singapore dat means aishah confessed. hahahaah. io noe stupid rite.

I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT. EVEN IF YOU HATE ME.

LOVE U ALL SO MUCH

damn it

2009-08-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

fuck myself for my dumb problems

fuck all my dumb decision

dats y im such a fuckingly suckish fren

im rite i noe

fuck me rite back

wth aishah?

2009-08-20T04:49:00.000-07:00

im so sorry but im full of guilt if i nvr tell u. i now how stupid i am to be thinkin of doin it n i noe der wont b a reason dat could b used to reason y i was even want to do it. i noe i was gg to lose u if i did it n truthfully dat was not wat i wan. i mus b crazy rite? idk y i made dat decision. mayb its my curiosity or its jus another way for me to destroy my life n stop all e hurt? idk k! everytin is so wrong for me rite now my dear. at home diff story, at skool diff story. e reason i told u even wen i noe ure gonna b dis angry is dat we rarely had secrets of our ownself n i felt guilty dat i lied to u, i betrayed ure trust, i kept secrets like dis from u n i did smth u reli dont want me to do. e reason y im reconsidering my decision again is cause i do not want to lose u pls. give me another chance. all dis while i do y best to protect u but now i hurt u. im sorry. i didnt mean it. pls 4give me? i noe rite now i suck to e max. im soooo sorry ily

wth?(tagboard at e bottom)

2009-08-01T09:59:00.000-07:00

ehk im worried bout u. how r u? pls atleast sms or kol me. pls. im so worried sick bout u . again. pls do tell me if ure fone gets taken by ure parens or watever dat hapens to u. pls let me noe if ure atleast ok. u nid my help, u noe wat to do rite? anytime u can ask me 4 help. im der 4 u. pls jus sms me will do. tc. ly.

sometink i can nvr tolerate is ppl hurting my frens. smtimes i don mean to b mean but if u hurt my frens den ouh too bad ah! one more tink is y betray ppl wen dey start trusting u? stupid rite? wher e hell is ure noodle? in ure but? lastly is ppl taking oth ppl's trust 4 dem 4 granted. ppl r trying sooo hard 2 get ppls trust n u take e person's trust n did dat? a person's trust shuld b guarded by ure life like how a millionaire guard his money n diamonds. trust is smth hard to earn so pls use ure noodles n tink n do wat is appropriate kays?

btw watch dis! btw ders justin timberlake

sooo sorry

2009-07-29T06:47:00.001-07:00

im so sori bout today amani n siva. sori i shuld hav remember bout ure skirt wen i decide im not coming to skool. sori im so inconsiderate. i reli was unwell n even though i was sick i shuld hav think bout u 2. sori n i mean it.

btw yesterday during cca something happen. i noe all e ncos dat were der were laughing at me n having fun. dis is wat happen.

i approach mdm
me: mdm permission to knock dem down mdm.
mdm: wat?! u wan to knock dem down? using wat?

den u noe, dah lah scary wen approaching her den i do dis kind of mistake ish!!!!
if u dont understand not my prob

sooo sorry

2009-07-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

updates

2009-07-24T05:04:00.000-07:00

k i noe i suck kay dah sooo long i nvr update but so not my fault i had been sick. btw i hav a new darlink rite siva? hahaha u noe i noe. btw maths was superb!!!! luv maths nnnnnnn today ouhmygosh!!!! Salina u noe wat hapen. hahaha k dah no elaboration

am i heartless????

2009-07-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

im soo sorry bout e letter. i noe i shld pervent dis from happening cause i noe how sad n stuff u will feel but as a fren i wuld have to break it to u no matter wat cause its for ure own good. i don wan u to keep destroying ure future like how u r doing now. if ders anyway i can kol u tell me yah. im sooo worried sick dat i don tink i can handle dis anymore. can we still b frens after wat i did? im full of guilt rite now but its for ure own good. idk lah fuck lah wif all dis problems.

another thing to e person yg prasan aku pangil kau lelaki tk guner, im so not apologising to yah cause in the 1st place not my fault. u weree 1 dat assume i kolled u dat. like mr lim n ms chua always say if u assume, uer making an ass out of u n me so yeah im not in e rong. tapi since kau dah terase n marah sgt kat aku smpai cam gini, i wuld jus say pls jgn terase.

fuck lah all dis ppl n fuck all e problems dey bring tooo

my situation???

2009-07-08T05:35:00.000-07:00

When I love you,

I want you.

Even if I can't get you,

atleast let me be there for you.

I want to let you go,

go far away from my life.

But my heart won't agree,

even if you're the worst choice.

since e skool started, i felt tat we r much apart n i think its e best as dis will allow my heart to rest n i will take dis opportunity to kick u out of my heart n shut it for the rite one to come along one day. but dat does not mean u can hurt her like dat. u didnt kept ure promise to her n u tink i would trust u? go to hell yah. stop doing dis to ureself n jus b ureself ok? it wont hurt being ureself. im waiting for dat day to arrive. till den, jus consider dat our frenship had take sometime off. jus remember no matter what, ill always luv my frens n i do love u

2009-07-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

k ah ehk i don wan to elaborate bout my day yesterday bcause some1 will get jelus if i do.

im waiting by e fone wif ure picture hanging on e wall(literally). btw its reli killing me waiting 4 ure reply. it sucks like hell bitch!!! cant u jus reply? fucker and btw ure gg outta ma life sucker hahaahhahaahah kat dlm dunier nie ader satu jer aku so too bad ah tkder penganti untuk aku and i also noe......

you are my sunshine

2009-07-02T21:20:00.000-07:00

confirm in kindergarten u all got sing u r my sunshine rite? so listen to dis. its nicer but sounds uite sad uh. i luv it haha. gtg i hav to go to skool for first aid duty

2009-07-02T06:12:00.000-07:00

kay pertame today is e day we celebrated sjab day n its ok luh not bad. luv it n appreciating it cause dis will b e last year tat ill b wearing n showing off my fav sjab uniform 4 e whole day in e skool. im e most proudest cadet u can ever find in all e universe.

keduer i miss jaga being here wif us all. u might ask y i didnt kol her but everytime i kol her der will always b smth dat makes us hav to hang up n it sucks. miss disturbing her n iritating her cause she hav a nice reaction n she will always say "basket sia aishah".

ketiger i reli reli reli cant wait 4 cca n its siriusly killing me. ish i hate waiting.

yg last skali ntah asal aku rase kiter makin lamer makin jauh n is it pasal cause dat time we had no choice but to leave u alone 4 quite sometime? or cause were nth to u? ntah lah ehk oh yah n btw i jus felt dat we r drifting apart slowly n silently n it dosent feel good so pls kol me up one day wen ure free ok? ill always luv ya.

btw my tagboard is rite at e bottom

2009-06-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

recipe 4 ice-cream

1 litre of milk
500g of coffemate creamer
any pieces of friut or any chucks of anything u wan
sugar (up to you)
2 1.5 litre container wif cover

blend the milk, creamer, sugar and any fruit for the flavour or use emulsifier.
pour it into the containers and put inside the freezer till half-frozen.
then every 1h interval, blend them again until it reach the texture you want
lastly put any pieces of friut or chucks of anything you want and stir
cover and place it in the freezer overnight
ready to be eaten

you mus try it. my ice-cream sucked cause i didnt blend it many many times. so yeah blend it many many many times kay? try den tell me ok?

2009-06-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

im happy for u as a fren tapi tk ker kau nmpk yg aku nie jelus giler biler kau tk abis bobal pasal dier even though dier kwn rpt aku. aku pon tk tau lah ehk aku tolong kau dptkan dier, aku sendri aleh2 suker kau or mayb im jus still confuse? entah lah. once again aku ckp let time reveal smuer nyer. hope all dis feelings pon gone wif e time. tkder mase aku nk suker2 kau. love can make a person greedy cause wen u love dem, u tend to want dem. nitez ppl

2009-06-19T04:28:00.000-07:00

i siriusly cant get dis out of my head
">">

the best 1 ever hahaah

2009-06-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

hhhmmm idk y but like amani said take it slow n steady n let time unfolds everything. tings always gets beter in time. so yah lets c wats gonna happen. btw ders so much tings dat i had jus uncovered but im jus telling u a little. first my mum is thinking if she shld transfer her job to KL. secondly my dad waiting to get a job in Bahrain. so idk how my family wld continue be as 1 but no worries ill b hapy no matter wat as i hav oth important tings to tink about.my frens happiness is more important den my own so if i can make u happy, tell me n ill do it.

u were like my north star at nite,

dat shows me the way wen im lost.

im so sorie bout dat nite,

hope our fenship will not lost.

ppl dance following the beat,

and always in the arms of their darlings.

im so sorie 4 wat i did,

cause i realise i had been confuse of my feelings.

2009-06-15T23:54:00.000-07:00

aku dah decide hahaha maybekan e only ting yg tingal aku kene uat is jus sambong sukerkan dier n yg lagi 1 tu uat bdh jelah ehk. kiter kwn lagik best tkder bender2 complicated. hahahaha klau aku jelus ke aper ke diam jerlah ehk cam biase. k dah tu jer tkmao citer panjang2

hhmmm i siriusly cant wait for nex week hehehe but i wont b here in spore from saturday till wednesday den thursday go watch movie. no time to rest hahaha. btw dats my baby cousin isnt she cute? haha btw she hav brown eyes if u can notice

2009-06-15T02:24:00.000-07:00

IT RELI LOOKS LIKE IT IS IN A FRAME

haha today was nice. had nco meeting but only me amani xinyi n subha turn up e rest idk. we discuss n disscuss till we all r too tired to disscuss siriusly. i n subha came up with a nice punishment 4 e cadets dat will make dem louder n dier basic footdrill beter. hahaah. rite subha? it was fun n tiring n e same time but if we can do it den e cadets confirm can. after dat xinyi went home n we all went to downtowneast n ate mcdonald haha btw der was dis transformers show 4 e kids n we actly watch hahaa it was super fun. btw soo many ppl stare at me today no idea y. ouh yah saw sir in skool jus now n dats all.

ncoS N ex-ncoS N WHOEVER DAT WANTS TO TAG ALONG TO WATCH MOVIE WITH US ALL , IT WILL BE ON 25/6/09 IN OTH WORDS ITS ON THURSDAY KAY? ANYTHING KOL ME OR AMANI OK? TAKE CARE.

I N SUBHA WILL TEACH E OTH NCOS WEN SKOOL REOPENS KAY? BELOW IS E CHEER

ONE(CANT HEAR YOU)

TWO(CAN BE LOUDER)

THREE(DATS BETER)

FOUR(ALTOGEDER NOW)

SJ SJ ALL THE WAY

WE LIKE IT HERE

WE FOUND OURSELVES A HOME

A HOME

A HOME SWEET HOME

WE GOT SJ SPIRIT

DEEP IN OUR HEARTS(3x)

WE GOT THE SJ SPIRIT

DEEP IN OUR HEART

SJ SPIRIT ALL E WAAAAYYY

2009-06-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

kay ah ehk its written in malay 4 a reason. aku ader A n B. keblakangan nie aku ader confusion sikit on how i feel. wth ehk aku tlg A dptkan kwn aku tapi 4 some reason aku jelus to e max biler A tk abis2 suker tanyer pasal kwn aku tu. tapi at e same time aku masih sukerkan B. makin kiter dekat kan, makin syg aku kat si dektu. makin bnyk aku tau pasal kau, makin syg aku kat kau, makin aku nk tau lagi pasal kau, makin bahagier biler ngan korang duer. skarang aku tk tau saper aku lagik suke aku suker kau aku pon suker dier, aku suker dier lebih lamer dari aku kau tapi prasaan aku kat korang sedalam dier samer. hhhmmm uat bdh jer lah. let time uncover everytin. hahaha.

ncos!!!! lets go watch DRAG ME TO HELL!!! i reli wanna watch dat movie n if anybody else wan to tag along jus come ok? including e ex-ncos ah if u all wan. don wan i also dc hahahaha. lets make it nex week. u wan? if u wan to tag along can jus tell me in msn or contact me in anyway contactable. kay? bb tc

118112919 1518 199221?

2009-06-10T03:12:00.000-07:00

i woke up at 4.30 in e morning jus to study 4 my ss wow!!!! is dat amazing or wat!!! hahaha... btw sori ppl but i so dont want to talk bout camp as ders jus too much memories dat i wan nobody to noe but if u noe den sssshhhhh kays? hahaha spent time wif my cliques at ws den do mt projek at E!Hub hahaha it was fun. btw i wan to thank miss soon amirah dina sabila for dat nite. u all actly knock out some sense out of me. kay from now on no more camp stuff. ehk amirah haha i like e 1st nite e most hahaha. btw i got darker. hahaha. ehk c how i n amani indulge in our own tub of ice-cream hehehehehe. muakkkk like hellll. no more ice-cream till after bnco. dats a promise i n amani made to ourselves. hahahaha ehk nurul kiter mmg giler ahk.

i luv all my frens n no matter wat ill always try my best to defend u from getting hurt even though it means dat i hav to get hurt, ders nth like seeing ure frens being happy. dats my investment for being happy. u happy, i happy but u sad,i also sad. i noe u all r great frens in ure own way n i hope to b ures too. im doing my best to b der 4 u wen u nid me. nvm if im only needed wen ure down but tossed to e side wen ure happy. atleast it shows dat u ppl r happy. ok ppl? anytin jus ask me for help n i do all i can to help u. i luv u guys to e core of my heart.

2009-06-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

i realise dat all dis time i hav been in denial n some tings dat ive done reli showes me dat im in denial of myself. im always doing things oppositely from what im supose to be doing wen im in denial. some tings r jus too hard to acept like e day is coming closer now n is as close as ever dat i cld even smell it(amani u noe wat im talking bout).

idk y but everybody is suddenly far from my reach dis days n im feeling like a child dat all her toys has been taken away from her. outside im a cheerful, playful n nonsensical child but deep down inside im dying as silently as ever. i had always tell amani dat she shldnt b living to please everybody but i myself is doing it every single day. keeping my sorrow as far as possible from every possible eyes dat may b seeing me.

i hate myself for being me. being me jus makes me more sicker as my body siriusly cant take it. protecting n defending n taking in all e pain for e ppl i love n care is somehow my duty n seeing dem happy makes me happy even though letting dem go but ders still hurt n idk how but my heart still hasnt give up so........ pls don take me 4 granted n pls bear in mind dat im very fragile like a glass.

cant say how much i luv you ppl n pls don let me down

FUCK LAH

2009-05-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

wth is rong wif all dis ppl? dey don wan to study den get lost lah fuck lah u ppl. u all onli noe how fuck oth ppl's life onli. u wanna go down den go down by ureself lah don bring oths wif u. i reli nid mr lim 4 my physics kay!!!!! u all don like him so? idc! i don give a damn!!! i wan to hav distictions u noe!! u all wan to blacken ure future, go ahead im not stopping u but don bring me down. n siallah 1st physics den social studies. wtf?! n to oths im asking stupid questions but having 2 ppl blocking my view n r all over each oth n talking across me is e reason y. i was even called out to c misschua after lesson bout dat. wth do u tink im feeling?!?!?!?! i don tink its worth my holidays to spend time wif mfbs like u ppl n still nid to cock up $2. spending time wif ppl dat r currrently destrying my life by not allowing tchers to teach.

pls lah everybody hav probs but don nid to act like an asshole lah. tink too highly of ureself rite? wat type of leader r u? u talk wen tchers r talking n in e end can still say we all not supportive?wtf?! everybody else also hav sooo much probs. idc ah bout u ppl anymore n btw my parents even disallow me to go 4 e stupid bbq.

so sorie to ppl dat i hurt 2day because of my bad mood. luv ya all

2009-05-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

amirah sayang!! tank u sooo much 4 listening to me complain bout my suckish life n some how advise me. it was nice to noe dat someone had been in my shoes n understands me wen nobody else can understand my situation.

amani u noe evertin bout my probs but sometimes u don understand wat im gg thru cause u ureself had never been thru. so some tings r jus so hard to tell ya.

btw today i talked to him!!!! ouh my gosh tkleh angkat babe!!! bleh pengsan aku hahaha. amani kau ehk tk baik seh dah lah aku ngah gabra abeh kau tingalkan aku sorang. lagi tkleh angkat smpai aku tersalah salah ckp kau!!!

anw i luv u all n hope we can be frens 4 my whole lifetime. ahhh i jus luv u all btw lina sori tk spend time ngan kau. ill make up 4 dat soon kays? ilyt

2009-05-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

i smoke? if u noe me well den ull noe if i do or i dont. if i smoke so? if i don smoke so? in bof cases u siriusly don nid to noe.

wat i ask is always relevent to my life most of e time n sometimes i ask cause i care bout u alrite so don ask me hu ask me to ask ok?

actly today nth happen cause i woke up at 1.30 in e afternoon. pathetic kan? cant help it tooo tired hahahaha btw siva remember ah tuesday

lets c if its e same hahaha. u noe wat i mean. btw it assured me dat amani is atleast ok 4 tonite wen i koll her just now.

jgn sedih kay. if dis help u, i lost my gradmader den bof grandfaders (same time) den my step-gandmader den my anader step- grandmader. all these was continuous my darl n so i noe how it feels. smile like e sun kays?

btw wen noeing bout it, reality hits my face so hard dat i jus cant acept it. loosing a person will nvr stop in life n wat if my dearest grandmader suddenly go? dats smth dat i can nvr accept n take in all my life. i don wan dis to hapen again.

loosing somebody is like loosing smth u love so much but e hurt is soooo much deeper den dat n it reli feels like u jus wan to jump down n end ure life rather den go thru e pain. der will nvr b a person dat can replace her not even him

hu wuld pamper me n take my side if she goes? hu wuld b e 1 to take care of me if shes gone? hu to kiss b4 i go out? how if i miss her? hu wuld fill my bottle wen i go to skool?hu am i suppose to say "i lap u" to if shes gone? how am i supose to cope wen shes gone? hu to wake me up in e mornin? i luv her deeper den everybody in dis effing world. so hope to go b4 her so i don nid to go thru dat pain again after loosing bof grandfaders. i jus cant go thru dat again NO NO NO!!!!

loosing a person makes it hard 4 me to love a person cause im soo scared to loose dem. pls 4give me if im so hard on u ppl. i try not to care bout ppl but i jus cant. if i love u den i tend to be very defensive bout u. fyi.

2009-05-23T09:41:00.000-07:00

last nite i found smth out n shld i say its expected? hhhmmmm...... no idea

i was shocked but not shocked ahhh nvm if u understand den understand but if u don den wat am i suppose to do?

e confession was hard n i was blushing n lmao wen confessing to my dear bout my dear hahaha

ehk amirah i noe u noe i noe haahah

today woke up at 7 study den go hq take koto come home ader kenduri sia like f***

amirah malu ah aku hahaha

rmbr e possibilities?

2009-05-21T06:31:00.000-07:00

today was ok in skool

we had pet rocket!!!! had soooo much funnnn

der was 1 time syafiqah asked me "Aishah wat's ure pet name?"

i tink 4 a while but nth came to mind so i jus said "ummmm.... pet"

n dey were laughing hahaha

btw i translated an english song to malay hahaha. u noe e rihanna song, rehab ?

sing dat in malay! i tell u wat to sing.. look below....... ouh yah i translate it myself n 1st part only

sayang, sayang

bila kita pertama bertemu

tk pernah ku rasa sekuat ini

kau seperti kekasih

dan kawan baik ku

semua dibungkus jadi satu

dengan reben kat atas

dah tu jer hahahahhahaaha

bb ppl i wan go to sleep

2009-05-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

u ungrateful biatch

kau ingat kaus saper? stakat mk aku jer tkder apaper lain tau. hu e hell kau nk impress? impress laki sendri sudah lah nie nk gi impress laki org nk gi impress mk mertua org. mk mertua sendri kau marah2, mk mertua org kau nk impress. terbiat per ah?

kau ckp aku kurangajar. nengok cermin ah. kau tuuu! kau tk respect laki kau, kau tk respect mkmetua kau, kau expet aku nk respect kau? gth ah ehk buang mase aku jer. mk mcm aper kau? ajar anak sendri jadi kurang ajar.

ure the worst wife, mother and daughter in law

fuck off lah sia

2009-05-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

wow i haven been oning e comp 4 2 days. yesterday only 4 a while 4 imp matters.

woke up at 4 am den sleep till 7, pray den idk y i polished my boots den ask mum 4 money n 4 e first she jus give me wooh! den wake up at 11 n fond 2 smses. from j.f. im sooo sori joshua. den mit amani at ws n return books den mit e oth at skool den mit my "beloved" senior at casuarina pri der n farah was actly 1/2 h late!!! omg!!!

bottom line i reli had soooo much funso siva u reli miss so much fun n amirah was crazy cause she was lonely pasal khalis was mia n farah was 1/2hrs late.k ah i wan 2 sleep somemore. tired tau jln from skool to near myhaus den patah alik. e all reli bonded haha. btw amirah tukar number baru ah

2009-05-14T04:51:00.000-07:00

i still remember wen i go for audition to ing wen i was primary 2 n below is the song

bintang kecil di langit yang biruuuu

sama-sama menghias angkasaaaa

aku ingin terbang ke tempatmuuu

ditempat kau beradaaaa

but i didnt succeed cause i was too shy

2009-05-12T08:31:00.000-07:00

AAAAAMMMIIIRRRAAAHHH!!!

TANK YOU SOOO MUCH

FOR E CALCULATOR!!!

WITHOUT YOU,

CONFIRM MATI

HAHAHAH

ILYSM!!!

2009-05-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

i suddenly had all these poems made up in my head so i wan to share wif u all

Roses are red, and the sky is blue. No wonder you're so great, you're YOU!!

When there's a shooting star, it's time to make a wish. Even if you're charred, in my eyes you're still my peach.

Daimonds are girl's bestfriend, but every guy is her dream. I really hope we are more than friends, cause in my cake, you're the cream.

how? ok? not bad? or very bad? i tink u all noe hu im talking bout rite? if u don, den its 4 me to noe n 4 u find out. hahaha

2009-05-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

such a wonderful day haha had amani n rekk over to my haus 2 study phy n chem but we had hidden agenda, jeng jeng jeng haha. nth lah we made a big cake n strawberry milkshake. all instucted by my fader. such a waste lina didnt come but wat 2 do, she wan 2 study wif atq. dey had so much great food at my haus like kebab pie, mushroom soup, cupcakes, cakes, my cooking of nasi goreng, my grandmader's cooking and dey also had peachtea n strawbery milkshake all home-made by my family mmbrs. no wonder im lyke dis hahaha. dey also had 1st hand expirience on baking cake n also piping n icing e cake. btw happy maders day 4 my grandmader!!!

2009-05-08T03:49:00.000-07:00

must i say it? reli? haha im ssoooo glad all major papers r over except 3 sci ppr n dnt. e maths ppr 1 was alot easier than e ppr 2. more confidence in it n 4 e 1st time in history, i finish e whole ppr in a given time. haahahahah

i jus luv u ppl

2009-05-06T00:06:00.000-07:00

tank u ah eh amani, jaga n surekka. lina kau pon tk baik uat bdh jer kasi drg kacau aku smpai cam tuu skali kat canteen. nk ckp tk suke, aku suke. nk ckp aku fed up, aku tk. senang kate aku paiseh giler tau. tapi tkper klau dier tanyer psl bende tuuu. aku akan ckp "yes apesal tkleh? ader law yg ckp aku tkleh suke kau? suke ati aku lah mk suke sape" k? k? best.

fyi klau dier tk tanyer, aku tknk bilang. so klau dier tk tanyer, singapore tk akan ader snow. hahaha.

suke ati korang lah ehk nk uat aper. aku trime jelah, dah takdir hahahaha

ders a reason y its in malay

2009-05-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

i guess ders nvr been a day dat i nvr miss u n 2day just proves it. u shld noe how much i miss u. it reli feels like a thousand years since ive seen u. can we mit n talk like how we used to? or i shld jus luk at u from afar. but i noe deep down inside, u noe my attention had always been on u. wher ever u go, i can always spot u. i guess dat my speciality. hahaha

btw gudluck all of u 4 ure MYE!! do ure best. omg im still not prepared. ouh noooooo

2009-04-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

even if i can write down the times you make me smile and laugh, there are just not enough papers in the world to write them down.

if i can reach the stars, the evening sky would be empty as they will be in my hands

this is how much you all make me laugh and smile. its nice to noe dat i have so many ppl behind my back incase i fall. i relli appreciate everything u all have done for me and i hope i had done the same to you all.

i am so grateful dat i meet u ppl. life just wont be the same without u all.

lots of love n a big hug to u,

nuraishah

my dears

2009-04-22T05:04:00.000-07:00

my dears i siriusly doing my very best to understand u all. its ok to have other frens idc but mayb i repeat mayb im somehow felt abandone by it. i understand dat u all have ure own life to attend to and ure other frens too. i understand dat shes also ure fren and if being frens with her makes u happy den hhmmm... ill let u go but don wory cause ill always be here waiting for my fren to come back to me. if she hurt u, come back to me and ill myself settle things wif her. wat does dhe tinks u are? the second choice wen the rest of her frens leave her? go to hell lah sia!! but if ure happy den i have to tank her for making my fren happy and ill be happy for u. if she hurt u...... shes dead!! idc y she do it wat i noe is she hurt u and she die

btw ppl wats up wif the policy of making someone close to u den backstab her? wats all dis bullshit??? no life is it?? do u tink trusting someone is dat easy? tink again. u tink trusting someone is like making ondeh-ondeh or jelly? eat redi can make new one? damn u lah ppl like u

btw check tis out

i hav F,C and K

but im missing sometin!!

its YOU!!!!

haha ily ppl

My dear frens

2009-04-17T23:16:00.000-07:00

to all my dear frens....

i really want to say tanx as without u all my life is empty

atleast u all make me 4get e fact dat my dream is to die as early possible

tanx to u all my dream now is to be a daoctor dat will change people's life

without u all, i could only tink of suicide and death

before u all came into my life, there had never been anytin to look forward to

before u all came into my life, i only noe hurt and i dont really noe the meaning of happiness

but you people came and change all that

im gonna apologise if somehow i hurt you without me knowing at all

i just cant stand it when other people hurt my friends

so please understand me if im just so motherly

tanx for being with me through my ups and downs

ill be there for you people also when you need me don wori

i luv you people

speechday and P.O.P

2009-04-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

at last speechday is OFFICIALLY OVER
evrything went as plan but a few set backs here n der

the p.o.p was ..... ahhhh
im jus soooo happpyyy
i get wat i want which is getting double promoted
n being a CSM
even though i didnt get CSM i get ACSM
im jus toooo happpyyyy!!!!
WWWWOOOOOHHHHOOOOO

idk

2009-04-02T06:17:00.000-07:00

Im getting more and more clumsy each day
i siriusly don noe y
on tuesday i was soooo happy
cause ehem ehem only certain ppl noes
den wen i was bathing
below is the story
u noe e automated air refresherner
i was hapy2 bathing my mind in lalaland
it suddenly dropped on my pinky toe
i c, no blood since very painful, i put under e hot water lah
skali more painful so i look again, i was so shock!!! it was bleeding!!!!
den after cleaning e wound, wif amani help!, i rest ah
wen telling my parents, i can feel e tears about to burst
den after dat i don feel anytin at all, i only feel numb
but after EVERYBODY KEEP STEPPING ON IT
its no more numb, but painful 2 e max!!!

FUCKED UP?

2009-03-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

am i not ure child to deserve ure luv?
am i actually ure daughter?
do u hate me so much?
wher is my mum?
ure not her, ure jus an imposter!
wat hav wrong had i done to u?
wher is e real u now?
i wan u 2 come back so much dat it hurt
i had once respected u
i had once trusted u
i had once loved u all my heart wif no hatred
but now all e respect n trust hav all gone
now i hate u all my heart but deep down inside i still love u
but not as much as i used to.
if u hate me, jus throw me out n into e streets
i don mind as long as u hav peace
pls stop being e reasons 4 my breakdowns.
e cut is getting deeper n deeper each time
e deeper my cut, e deeper my hatred
so pls stop!! i beg u

gud day? e best day?

2009-03-23T08:26:00.000-07:00

ouh my gawd!! i jus luv u sooooo much!!!!
its as if im following u everywher rite?
u r gonna c me as long as im still in luv wif u
hahaha. i noe its infactuation!!
tis mornin say lina n jaga!!!
yessah i miss u guys alot hug u ppl so tight
den saw amani n siriusly no chance 2 hug her shes jus too amani
no offence!!
pass amirah e splints n asked 4 my torch but she said its wif khalis!!
like damn!! those of u hu noes, shld how i feel
wait 4 lina after speechday den walk around e skool as in outside
walk here walk der n at last give up go buy buble tea
den met amirah n khalis.
aku ingat aku sorang potek tu pasal pekak
hahaha
met my dad at 201 cause he wnats 2 pay bill
go home my dad cycle n i was at e back of e bike enjoying e wind!!!
e last time i ride wif him was wen i was in primary 4!!
imagine how long dat is
i jus love my dad so much dat wen ppl hurt him, i jus cant take it
even if ure my mum!!
idc hu u r as long as u hurt my dad, ure DEAD
i tink their relationshiak rep is at e redi 2 break
only waiting 4 my dad to say i divorce u
den everytin will end
no more hurt

the competition!!

2009-03-15T21:09:00.000-07:00

yes ah!!! my got 4th place out of e 10 places!!!!
diriku dan dirimu sama babe!!!! nombor 4!!
i just love u to realise ure flaws.
i jus don care wat ppl say bout us.
setiap kali kumelihat dirimu, hatiku berdebar!!
alik dari st nick, we all mkn kat mcdonald!!!
jelak btol aku asyik mkn mcdonald jer
skarang ramai ny org dah tau
kat mrt kiter smue ddk ah kat bwh pasal tkder org den kat 1 stop tu ramai org msk
being proactive, caring, righteous n self-motivated kiter smue diri lah
aku baru nk diri e mrt jln terplecok kaki aku!!!
dah tknk blang lagi
yg aku tau i had so much fun ngan korang2 smue hahahaha

the best day in my life

2009-03-07T18:57:00.000-08:00

omg! does it reli hapen? im e happyest person in tis world n no 1 can spoil my day!!! i repeat no 1 can spoil my day.

my day wif u is e most memorable day in my whole life. u brought my smile back even though i was not in e rite mood. u n ure frens made me laugh. i jus cant believe u actually wear lyke dat cause ure pants look shorter den it shld b. does ure piercing hurt dat much cause u look so in pain. hahaha. i cant believe u actually touched me. do u noe wen u touched me, ure actually toucing my heart too?btw welcome to town!!
we all jus r not a town person except 4 some1 hahaha.

u all dont noe hu im talking bout nvm cause only e imp ppl noe hahaaha

the 3/5 camp cheer

2009-01-24T20:07:00.000-08:00

come on crestians
are you wif us
fire's burnin up on the grass now
we wont leave until we win tis fight

come on crestians
bring the house down
girls stop playin wif ure hair now
boys stop starin at dem, tonight

turn up the funk
a o a o ooh
4 3 2 1

hgpb
handsome girls dat we are
hgpb
pretty boys near or far
were manly, hot, handsome and chio
hgpb
its us you cant beat

give me a gor!
gor!
give me a zil!
zil!
give me a la!
la!
give me a gor-zil-la!
gorzilla 3x rawr (2x)
gorzilla 2x
who! are! we!
GOORZILLA!!!!

bam bam bi dam
bam bam bi dam dam(2x)

3/5 ah
...... to be continued

ntah

2009-01-19T04:17:00.000-08:00

you may say dat im crazy
you may say i suck
you may say you hate my to e core

but im so sori my dearies, i jus don care
cause if i can talk n bitch bout u den u can too

btw if u jus don lyke me say it lah
don talk behind my back, don wory i wont kill u 4 being honest
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

btw lina n amani my dear
aku dah update upon ure request
from now on i try to wen im free k?

btw dom look beter wif his hair lyke dat tau
dah ah later u all noe my secret

im back!!!!

2008-10-29T18:42:00.000-07:00

yey! im back!
u all keep pestering me to update rite?
here i am!!!!!
btw e 25ians if u hapen to check my blog,
pls go to class blog k?
tank u

THE HAIRCUTAND.............

2008-10-02T06:24:00.000-07:00

TODAY MY NEW HAIRCUT

HAS BEEN REVEALED!!!

THEY ALL WERE SAYING

I LOOK DIFFERENT!!!

MY HAIRCUT IS EXACTLY MY

KINDERGARDEN HAIR!!!!

TANX TO MY UNCLE WHO

CUT MY HAIR WRONGLY!!!

HE CUT BOB BUT GUY STYLE

DEN MY FRINDGE IS LYKE DAMN

DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN SHORT!!

LINA SAY I LOOK LIKE ONE KID!!

EVERY WHER I GO ALL LOOK AT ME!!

CA2 RESULTS

ENGLISH- B

SCIENCE-B

ART-B

MALAY-B

HISTORY-B

HOMEC-A

MATHS-C

(FIRST TIME I PASS MATHS)

MOHON MAAF

2008-10-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

SLAMAT HARI RAYE

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

KLAU ADE KATE2 YG MENYAKITKAN

SORI LAH

KLAU ADE KESILAPAN

SORI LAH

KLAU ADER HUTANG YG AKU TK INGAT

IKHLAS KAN LAH

SKALI LAGI

MAAFKAN DAKU

ENG VERSION

HAPY HARI RAYE

SORI PHYSICALLY N EMOTIONALLY

IF THERES SAYINGS TATS HURTS

IM SORI

IF THERES ANY FAULTS

IM SORI

IF THERES ANY DEBTS TAT I CANT REMEMBER

IKHLASKAN LAH

ONCE AGAIN

IM SORI

NO HARI RAYA

2008-10-01T01:06:00.000-07:00

NOW CANNOT CELEBRATE

MY ADIK GOT CHICKEN POX!!!

DEN STILL WAN 2 EAT CHICKEN!!

CHICKEN BTOL!!!!

SO THOSE OUT DERE

KLAU KESIAN KAN AKU

TOLONGLAH AKU COLLEK DUIT RAYE

AJAKLAH DAKU KLUAR!!!

TRIME KASIH LAH

ntah ah!!!!

2008-09-11T06:53:00.000-07:00

Lately i'm addicted to the song HEAVEN but not the techno one.

Its the slow version.

Muahahahaha!!!!!!

I pity Jamie cause i keep singing the song over and over again and again and again!!!!!!!!

All this is amani fault lah!!! i only like that song but not addicted!!!

Den Amani keep singing that song den i join in lah!!!

Den now cannot stop singing that song !!!!

Elisya help me put that song in the blog den she also get addicted cause i and Amani also keep singing that song over and over and over again!!!!

Alaaaaaaammmaaaaaaaaaaaak !!!!!!!

DOM btol!!!!!!!! yang paham paham lah yang tak buat bodoh sudah!!!!

Muahahahahaha!!!!!!

my love

2008-09-04T05:50:00.000-07:00

I had never thought,

that YOU would be the one.

My heart got caught,

It's YOU that I want.

I had never thought,

I'd get addicted to YOU!

It was MY heart that YOU caught,

and now I'm waiting for YOU.

YOU're still keeping ME waiting,

even though I tried so hard,

the feel of wanting,

is making MY life so hard.

Why aren't YOUapproaching ME?

Don't YOU have the same feelings as ME?

If yes, why are YOU doing this to ME?

YOU think I deserve this?ME?

Do YOU know the answers?

2008-09-02T00:30:00.000-07:00

When was the last time,

WWWEEE fought?

When was the last time,

WWWEEE got caught?

Where was the first time,

WWWEEE met?

Where was the first time,

WWWEEE all met?

Who was the first,

teacher WWWEEE knew?

Who was the first,

best DM WWWEEE knew?

What was the first,

impression WWWEEE had on each other?

What was the first,

thing came in mind of US together?

Whose the first,

from this group that opt out?

Whose the first,

among US that leave US out?

How was the group,

after the PERSON left?

How WWWEEE were feeling in the group,

after the person left?

WWWEEE all got problems,

WWWEEE all got to solve it.

WWWEEE've face the problems,

and WWWEEE showed WWWEEE can do it!

ME

2008-08-28T00:56:00.000-07:00

I have great friends and maybe family,

even if I smiled or cried.

I try not to worry,

as they are always there by my side.

I maybe have a great heart,

but I hate myself.

Even though I try so hard,

there's still hatred for myself.

My heart is too sensitive,

and my body is fragile too.

I try to be positive,

but I'm still dying inside too.

I'm sick physically,

because of the stress I recieved.

I'm sick emotionally,

from the cuts I received.

I'm an actress on stage,

hidding behind the character.

You're here only to comment what's on stage,

knowing nothing behind the character.

Hoping for death to catch up,

never thought you'll come for me,

save me before it catches up,

hope you'll always be there for me.

Had always feel better,

than the day before this.

Hope you'll stay forever,

and I promise this.

Stop hoping for death to come,

always live my life to the fullest,

with open arms I welcome you to come,

nothing will bring us down even the largest.

A Mistake

2008-08-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

I fell in love,

with the wrong guy.

I was still up and above,

when they say "oh my".

My heart bleed,

when they say,

" please leave",

I shouldn't have stayed.

You gave me hope,

then, you turn me away.

How do you expect me to cope,

you must be feeling gay.

We shouldn't have met,

I shouldn't have disturbed you.

if i know this is what I'll get',

I wouldn't have fall for you.

This was a mistake,

since the beginning.

It was my mistake,

and now it's ending.

So this is goodbye,

my friends are by my side.

They are there when I cry,

and I too will be there by their side.