F.U.C.K.

smtimes i feel that ppl r always using me. is dat true ppl? use me as ure entertainment? use me to fulfill ure needs? fulfill ure social, emotional etc etc needs. like certain ppl, its so obvious smtimes dat they r making use of me. use me 4 deir sweet revenge, at last i hav e to suffer 4 dem n bcause of dem. wtf? 

u ppl jus have not seen e worst side of me, not even my dear frens. wat u hear i did was only part of it, i can b evil if i wan to. i chose not to but ppl r jus gg round taking advantage of me. at hm, at skool even outside, it keeps hapening to me.

im jus so angry n f'd up today. so stuck up. ppl keep ignoring me, ppl keep throwing anger at me, ppl keep scolding me, keep bossing me ard, do watever dey like to me. all dis is a norm but today im jus so angry. tried my best to do math n ss but it jus cant b done wen ure dis angry.

i was taught e hard way not to hope. but smtimes its jus impossible not to do that. i hoped n tings go down hill.

wat i did on e evening of dat day was smth thats engraved to my memory. i had no regrets in doing that but is it really affecting us? idk. 

i realise i do make ppl angry but everyone does. wen ppl make me angry, its always ok but wen i get dem angry, its doom for me. y? am i not a human too? cant i make mistakes? 

i tot i culd leave u n all dis feelings but im always wrong? wth is wrong wif me? am i insane? smtimes i jus wish that my life culd end. nobody wuld miss me dats for sure, they will only feel a lost as e person that dey culd do all these to is no longer here n in no time dey will move on.  trying to destroy my life so dat i culd end my life easier was and is still my goal. dat has been my goal since e day i knew about dis cruel world

pretending being happy is really making me very tired. wth is wrong wif me? sacrificing 4 e ppl i love? pretending to b happy 4 dem wen deep inside im jus bleeding. nobody culd ever realise im pretending cause im very gud at it alredi. saying e stuff dat i wanted to belief in out loud. it doesnt work. how? i do not wan to do dis anymore. 

y do i depend on u all? y do i nid u all? y do u all keep playing in my mind? tings lyke: how r u doing, hav u eaten, r u ok, wat hapen today, r u sick, y did she do dat to u, y did he do dat to u, wat else di he/ she do to u, do u wanna tok bout it. wen i say im always here for u, u can tok to me, let me hug u, cry on my shoulder etc etc i actly mean it.i do feel ure pain. i do not wan to c uall get hurt.

amani if 'aishah' do dat to u, 'shes' done for.

salina lets do dis 2geder k?

lina lets jus chill n c wat hapen, menyampah aku biler dier majok

jaga go for it

surekka cm to me my darlin we settle it 2geder, don suffer alone

siva smting is not rite

wth aishah?

im so sorry but im full of guilt if i nvr tell u. i now how stupid i am to be thinkin of doin it n i noe der wont b a reason dat could b used to reason y i was even want to do it. i noe i was gg to lose u if i did it n truthfully dat was not wat i wan. i mus b crazy rite? idk y i made dat decision. mayb its my curiosity or its jus another way for me to destroy my life n stop all e hurt? idk k! everytin is so wrong for me rite now my dear. at home diff story, at skool diff story. e reason i told u even wen i noe ure gonna b dis angry is dat we rarely had secrets of our ownself n i felt guilty dat i lied to u, i betrayed ure trust, i kept secrets like dis from u n i did smth u reli dont want me to do. e reason y im reconsidering my decision again is cause i do not want to lose u pls. give me another chance. all dis while i do y best to protect u but now i hurt u. im sorry. i didnt mean it. pls 4give me? i noe rite now i suck to e max. im soooo sorry ily