Life has been very weird lately. When life turns around, it becomes weird. Hahaha. My birthday coming also the 'o' level results also my darling's album. The unspeakable things. Soon i will be starting poly, getting a job, finding true love, getting married, having my own babies. Then raising my babies, watching them go to school and becoming successful, them getting married, having my grandbabies. If I die, I hope I die before getting married so that less people will get hurt but I don't think anybody will miss me but whatever. Am happy with my life. I love you my darlingzzzzz.
Nurul Amani
Mursalina Zahara
Jagatheswari
Nurul Lina
Nur Amirah
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
amani the amount of loneliness is something that i had never thought i would go through. i miss you a lot too. at this point i wish that theres a guy in my life that i can actually be with for me not to be this lonely. i may sound like im using him but thats not it cause my friends comes first before my guy.
lately i suddenly miss khalis and wished he was someone that i used to briefly know. why did he changed so much? the last time we sat together and talked and joked around, do you remember? i had an insight of your life a little. we shared a little with each other. amirah and sabila were there too. why did you change? it dissapoint us all.come back yo.
hey siva to not say that i miss how close we were, im lying. to me our friendship is over. thats how i view us. our friendship ends as fast how it started. i had never regret confessing to you about how i feel. you gave me strength to do that but at the same time you managed to crush my trust in a blink of an eye. everything went downhill so fast that we didnt save it. at that time,it may seem irrelevent to you but to me it was too tiring to save it. you contributed to the fact that now i dont think friendships are as important as i used to. now i can actually break friendships as easy as it was made. only certain friendships that are important to me. just because i say all this doesnt mean what i wrote in the letter was fake. if you need a shoulder to lean on or cry on, i could just lend you. dont worry, no strings attached.
sometimes i hoped for things that are just impossible. too impossible to happen or to be done. i used to belief that if you want something so badly and you try your best to get it and you belief that you will get it, you will actually get it in the end. somebody help me revive this belief please. i really want to hold to something. help me, im drowning in this ocean of nothingness.
Stay
Can you feel me now
Take a deep breath and let me explain
All the pain that's been wreckin my brain
Gettin so close to goin' insane
And see you standing there
And the feelin' never gonna be the same
seems like we missed the whole damn train
Blame is all we have for us
And I can let in get in the way
Even if the love is the costly price to pay
Lookin' back life love was the game or cliche
Gotta move away sacrifice my heart and let you breath again baby girl
Just about everything was too late
She was sometimes silent
A lonely sign
Now that I'm alone
That you stayed by my side
Was something that I took for granted... truly
A sent Mail
User unknown
In the the corner of the empty closet
A fallen Promise Ring
Her Birthday
Before the door closes Baby please don't go away
Condemning the things I couldn't say Want you to stay
After so long, even lamenting these things I know it's late
There is no one who can take her place
I want you to stay want you to stay
Her last words were
Not "goodbye" but "thank you"
The meaning of the end
Getting over me
The things she wanted
Proof that I couldn't give them to her
The mailbox Key
End of the story
In this one person room, soon
Night will come
Her smiling face in the photo
Becomes unable to be seen
There's no way I can forget you Baby please don't fade away
Around the clock they won't disappear Want you to stay
This kind of sadness I know it's late
The existence of the girl I should have protected
I want you to stay want you to stay
Fool
Yeah (love is breakin’) I know girl (you know my situation)
Right time but I can’t (say goodbye)
Girl (our separate ways)
Saying that I love you don’t cha?
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I don’t have the c-c-c-confidence, don’t fool my t-t-t-two eyes
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I’m s-s-s-still waiting for you like a f-f-f-fool
The withered rose bouquet, your scent still
Even though I want to erase it, it can’t be erased
Are you leaving only holding vague memories
I loved everything about you
Why are we trying to go down different roads
You should have been truthful, you should have embraced me
I don’t know anything but you, you should have held me, you fool…
I still don’t understand love
Why do you keep getting farther away from me
Like a fool in front of your door
Hurt and turned away, only my sad image
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe
I love you, I don’t love you
You’re coming back, you’re not coming, I miss you…
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I don’t have the c-c-c-confidence, don’t fool my t-t-t-two eyes
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I’m s-s-s-still waiting for you like a f-f-f-fool
I’ve cried all night, I’ve called out to an unresponsive you
I’ve hid avoiding the world, the moment you left I’ve been dying
Still not a single thing has changed
The constantly deepening disease, only I’ve been hurting
(This star) is (love) is tiring, you fool
I still don’t understand love
Why do you keep getting farther away from me
Like a fool in front of your door
Hurt and turned away, only my sad image
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe
Although I’m left alone inside me your memories hold onto me
Don’t separate from the last leaf, grab my hand
Take all of the letters and pictures you gave to me
Even if they’re thrown away they’re never erased from inside me
Because of my hopeful heart I stay up all night again
Will I not be able to let go of this little hope
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe
Oh oh oh oh oh are you just getting farther away
Oh oh oh oh oh only my sad, turned away image
But I Love U
Why did you do that? Why did you do that? Love? Don’t make me laugh
Yeah with bitter beer and I cigarettes that I quit because of you
Because of you I smoke them again goes out to you
To you who left without one word
Can you hear this song right now
This lonely morning I meet without you
After you left, the compass of the map in my heart
Has lost its way, my life is all ruined
I was unprepared, you ran far away from me
My Venus, I’ve prayed to God to try to hate you
Because it was so unfair, because my life felt so miserable
My tone, actions, even my steps have gone away
My habits that have copied yours are bothering me
You can’t be forgotten, how can I forget you
You’re on the first page of all of my memories
Birthdays, the beach, over the cliff of deep love
You’re the first girl who’s given me the pain of a first broken heart
Even if in my craziness I feel sad I’ll try to smile
I don’t want your empty feelings, we just too late
Uh if it’s your’s, if you’re going to do whatever you want
This is the way you love? If I hadn’t started the beginning yeah
The time I had with you was so hard
Everyday I waited for you by my phone
And every time you have no blame
You told me you were sorry and avoided me then left
But I love you girl, I wish you would stay here
But I love you girl, I wish you would hold onto me
But I love you girl, even if I don’t say it
Please don’t lose my eager heart ma girl
In my eyes you are just beautiful
My friend told me not to fall too deeply
First I get mad that girl is different
She is nicer and more pure than anybody
Uh lo-… no I really like you
Let’s not change I’ll make you happy, you
Stay by my side time flows by when 1, 2 years goes by
More better than this year
Your voice seems so tired
You need a place to lean, please lean on me
Don’t you see me? Why do you fall alone?
Lower my head, my heart tears and breaks
It was great when we first met
We were happy just seeing each other
Actually I’m still like that, but why aren’t you?
Lately when I see you I don’t get the same feelings yeah
The memories with you were so hard
Of course it may be my fault, I’ll probably comfort myself like this
When time goes by this memory will be like smoke too
Fly far away, a new love may find me too
But I love you girl, I want to make you smile
But I love you girl, I want to wipe away your tears
But I love you girl, nothing anymore
I can’t turn back your changed heart I know girl
I call wanting to see your face one last time
But till the end there’s no answer from you
Oh why are you avoiding me? Please tell me
Girl I’m still standing still
But I love you girl, I wish you would stay here
But I love you girl, I wish you would hold onto me
But I love you girl, even if I don’t say it
Please don’t lose my eager heart
But I love you girl, I want to make you smile
But I love you girl, I wan to wipe away your tears
But I love you girl, nothing anymore
I can’t turn back your changed heart I know girl
I Don't Understand
All day why does only your face
Come up, still I can’t forget you
Again only tears, I’m looking for you through the scarred memories
I don’t know, tell me
Why you left me, at least like this
I wanted to grab onto you, please hold me, please return to me
I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all
I remember your last smile
If time could be stopped
I would run and hold you and could do anything for you
I miss you a lot today too
I want to hold you just one more time
Today and tomorrow too I’m fading away with only tears baby
Stop this now, I’ve hurt as much as I can hurt and its hard
I’m really sorry, I’ve taken as much I can take and I’m wavering
Although inside I’ve called you a hundred, a thousand times
You’ve gone too far away to turn around
It was raining so I just quietly walked down that road
Just in case I would meet you. You said waiting was time
No matter what I do it hurts so I want to go back into your arms
It can’t be anyone but you, too late
I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all
I wanted to see you, I wanted to cry today too
After I begged for you to come back I’m so tired
I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all
Foolish love
(Yea, yea) I think (of you) again like a bad habit
I get tired of this hard life so I countlessly
laugh when I think of you, cry when i miss you
I got tired (of it) and fell asleep.
Your love makes you feel difficult, so you turn around like a rough wind
my lack of understanding, uncertain future, I couldn’t take it anymore
I wanted to wipe the tears around (your) wetted eyes
but the image reflected in your eyes.
Isn’t me, it’s someone else baby,
Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything;
why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.
(uh) Love came and left again like a migratory bird.
“My heart hurts more,” I tell you endlessly but you were stubborn everyday.
(Just like) Smoking a hit, (you can) forget about (us) already as if it’s easy.
“Meet another woman and live well,” huh? (ok)
Friend, what did i tell you? i’m not sure about her.
(Once a glass cup is broken, it’s hard to put it back together.)
Y, a game with an expected ending, nothin’ never, ever change!
I felt more anxious while I was watching from the sidelines.
Look, she will fall asleep while nestling in another guy’s arms.
She will come looking for you a year or 2 later, (let him go girl)
Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything; why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.
I hoped that you would hold me a bit more, but it’s useless now.
My stupid shadow is now left alone and wandering around on this dimmed street.
I think I am still waiting for you.
I feel pity, you aren’t that bad.
I feel pity, why do you end up with those kind of girls?
I feel pity, what she gave you is a nightmare.
I feel pity, for you, not your girl.
Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything; why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.
Foolish Love...
lately i suddenly miss khalis and wished he was someone that i used to briefly know. why did he changed so much? the last time we sat together and talked and joked around, do you remember? i had an insight of your life a little. we shared a little with each other. amirah and sabila were there too. why did you change? it dissapoint us all.come back yo.
hey siva to not say that i miss how close we were, im lying. to me our friendship is over. thats how i view us. our friendship ends as fast how it started. i had never regret confessing to you about how i feel. you gave me strength to do that but at the same time you managed to crush my trust in a blink of an eye. everything went downhill so fast that we didnt save it. at that time,it may seem irrelevent to you but to me it was too tiring to save it. you contributed to the fact that now i dont think friendships are as important as i used to. now i can actually break friendships as easy as it was made. only certain friendships that are important to me. just because i say all this doesnt mean what i wrote in the letter was fake. if you need a shoulder to lean on or cry on, i could just lend you. dont worry, no strings attached.
sometimes i hoped for things that are just impossible. too impossible to happen or to be done. i used to belief that if you want something so badly and you try your best to get it and you belief that you will get it, you will actually get it in the end. somebody help me revive this belief please. i really want to hold to something. help me, im drowning in this ocean of nothingness.
Stay
Can you feel me now
Take a deep breath and let me explain
All the pain that's been wreckin my brain
Gettin so close to goin' insane
And see you standing there
And the feelin' never gonna be the same
seems like we missed the whole damn train
Blame is all we have for us
And I can let in get in the way
Even if the love is the costly price to pay
Lookin' back life love was the game or cliche
Gotta move away sacrifice my heart and let you breath again baby girl
Just about everything was too late
She was sometimes silent
A lonely sign
Now that I'm alone
That you stayed by my side
Was something that I took for granted... truly
A sent Mail
User unknown
In the the corner of the empty closet
A fallen Promise Ring
Her Birthday
Before the door closes Baby please don't go away
Condemning the things I couldn't say Want you to stay
After so long, even lamenting these things I know it's late
There is no one who can take her place
I want you to stay want you to stay
Her last words were
Not "goodbye" but "thank you"
The meaning of the end
Getting over me
The things she wanted
Proof that I couldn't give them to her
The mailbox Key
End of the story
In this one person room, soon
Night will come
Her smiling face in the photo
Becomes unable to be seen
There's no way I can forget you Baby please don't fade away
Around the clock they won't disappear Want you to stay
This kind of sadness I know it's late
The existence of the girl I should have protected
I want you to stay want you to stay
Fool
Yeah (love is breakin’) I know girl (you know my situation)
Right time but I can’t (say goodbye)
Girl (our separate ways)
Saying that I love you don’t cha?
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I don’t have the c-c-c-confidence, don’t fool my t-t-t-two eyes
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I’m s-s-s-still waiting for you like a f-f-f-fool
The withered rose bouquet, your scent still
Even though I want to erase it, it can’t be erased
Are you leaving only holding vague memories
I loved everything about you
Why are we trying to go down different roads
You should have been truthful, you should have embraced me
I don’t know anything but you, you should have held me, you fool…
I still don’t understand love
Why do you keep getting farther away from me
Like a fool in front of your door
Hurt and turned away, only my sad image
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe
I love you, I don’t love you
You’re coming back, you’re not coming, I miss you…
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I don’t have the c-c-c-confidence, don’t fool my t-t-t-two eyes
Don’t g-g-g-go don’t l-l-l-leave me and go
I’m s-s-s-still waiting for you like a f-f-f-fool
I’ve cried all night, I’ve called out to an unresponsive you
I’ve hid avoiding the world, the moment you left I’ve been dying
Still not a single thing has changed
The constantly deepening disease, only I’ve been hurting
(This star) is (love) is tiring, you fool
I still don’t understand love
Why do you keep getting farther away from me
Like a fool in front of your door
Hurt and turned away, only my sad image
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe
Although I’m left alone inside me your memories hold onto me
Don’t separate from the last leaf, grab my hand
Take all of the letters and pictures you gave to me
Even if they’re thrown away they’re never erased from inside me
Because of my hopeful heart I stay up all night again
Will I not be able to let go of this little hope
Still unresolved misunderstandings
Inside there’s a longing for the troubled you
I miss you so at least like this in your
Heart I just want to live and breathe
Oh oh oh oh oh are you just getting farther away
Oh oh oh oh oh only my sad, turned away image
But I Love U
Why did you do that? Why did you do that? Love? Don’t make me laugh
Yeah with bitter beer and I cigarettes that I quit because of you
Because of you I smoke them again goes out to you
To you who left without one word
Can you hear this song right now
This lonely morning I meet without you
After you left, the compass of the map in my heart
Has lost its way, my life is all ruined
I was unprepared, you ran far away from me
My Venus, I’ve prayed to God to try to hate you
Because it was so unfair, because my life felt so miserable
My tone, actions, even my steps have gone away
My habits that have copied yours are bothering me
You can’t be forgotten, how can I forget you
You’re on the first page of all of my memories
Birthdays, the beach, over the cliff of deep love
You’re the first girl who’s given me the pain of a first broken heart
Even if in my craziness I feel sad I’ll try to smile
I don’t want your empty feelings, we just too late
Uh if it’s your’s, if you’re going to do whatever you want
This is the way you love? If I hadn’t started the beginning yeah
The time I had with you was so hard
Everyday I waited for you by my phone
And every time you have no blame
You told me you were sorry and avoided me then left
But I love you girl, I wish you would stay here
But I love you girl, I wish you would hold onto me
But I love you girl, even if I don’t say it
Please don’t lose my eager heart ma girl
In my eyes you are just beautiful
My friend told me not to fall too deeply
First I get mad that girl is different
She is nicer and more pure than anybody
Uh lo-… no I really like you
Let’s not change I’ll make you happy, you
Stay by my side time flows by when 1, 2 years goes by
More better than this year
Your voice seems so tired
You need a place to lean, please lean on me
Don’t you see me? Why do you fall alone?
Lower my head, my heart tears and breaks
It was great when we first met
We were happy just seeing each other
Actually I’m still like that, but why aren’t you?
Lately when I see you I don’t get the same feelings yeah
The memories with you were so hard
Of course it may be my fault, I’ll probably comfort myself like this
When time goes by this memory will be like smoke too
Fly far away, a new love may find me too
But I love you girl, I want to make you smile
But I love you girl, I want to wipe away your tears
But I love you girl, nothing anymore
I can’t turn back your changed heart I know girl
I call wanting to see your face one last time
But till the end there’s no answer from you
Oh why are you avoiding me? Please tell me
Girl I’m still standing still
But I love you girl, I wish you would stay here
But I love you girl, I wish you would hold onto me
But I love you girl, even if I don’t say it
Please don’t lose my eager heart
But I love you girl, I want to make you smile
But I love you girl, I wan to wipe away your tears
But I love you girl, nothing anymore
I can’t turn back your changed heart I know girl
I Don't Understand
All day why does only your face
Come up, still I can’t forget you
Again only tears, I’m looking for you through the scarred memories
I don’t know, tell me
Why you left me, at least like this
I wanted to grab onto you, please hold me, please return to me
I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all
I remember your last smile
If time could be stopped
I would run and hold you and could do anything for you
I miss you a lot today too
I want to hold you just one more time
Today and tomorrow too I’m fading away with only tears baby
Stop this now, I’ve hurt as much as I can hurt and its hard
I’m really sorry, I’ve taken as much I can take and I’m wavering
Although inside I’ve called you a hundred, a thousand times
You’ve gone too far away to turn around
It was raining so I just quietly walked down that road
Just in case I would meet you. You said waiting was time
No matter what I do it hurts so I want to go back into your arms
It can’t be anyone but you, too late
I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all
I wanted to see you, I wanted to cry today too
After I begged for you to come back I’m so tired
I don’t understand girl
Looking into my eyes (with those sad eyes, to me)
You told me you loved me (no no) was it all lies
I still remember, you let go of my hand (slowly getting farther)
Even my memory (no no) did you erase it all
Foolish love
(Yea, yea) I think (of you) again like a bad habit
I get tired of this hard life so I countlessly
laugh when I think of you, cry when i miss you
I got tired (of it) and fell asleep.
Your love makes you feel difficult, so you turn around like a rough wind
my lack of understanding, uncertain future, I couldn’t take it anymore
I wanted to wipe the tears around (your) wetted eyes
but the image reflected in your eyes.
Isn’t me, it’s someone else baby,
Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything;
why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.
(uh) Love came and left again like a migratory bird.
“My heart hurts more,” I tell you endlessly but you were stubborn everyday.
(Just like) Smoking a hit, (you can) forget about (us) already as if it’s easy.
“Meet another woman and live well,” huh? (ok)
Friend, what did i tell you? i’m not sure about her.
(Once a glass cup is broken, it’s hard to put it back together.)
Y, a game with an expected ending, nothin’ never, ever change!
I felt more anxious while I was watching from the sidelines.
Look, she will fall asleep while nestling in another guy’s arms.
She will come looking for you a year or 2 later, (let him go girl)
Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything; why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.
I hoped that you would hold me a bit more, but it’s useless now.
My stupid shadow is now left alone and wandering around on this dimmed street.
I think I am still waiting for you.
I feel pity, you aren’t that bad.
I feel pity, why do you end up with those kind of girls?
I feel pity, what she gave you is a nightmare.
I feel pity, for you, not your girl.
Don’t lie baby, tell me ‘This isn’t it’
your head looks down and you can’t say anything; why are you making me miserable?
Why do you feel sorry for me?
Stop now, leave after making me hate you, Foolish Love left with wounds;
Bye, bye.
Everything’s gonna be alright, right.
Foolish Love...
Monday, December 6, 2010
Im exhausted. Exhausted of life. Taking a day one at a time, something i make myself do. Its better but it makes me feel numb. Not much feelings going on everyday and i find it too weird and depressing. Is this a right thing to do? I mean this was what made me able to go through the 11 days in Cambodia. Would it help in ANCO? Why am I going anyway? Can someone help me understand? I really do not know who can I talk to right now. Everything is not right.
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